ReflectionnoitcelfeR

A bit of a deviation from my normal posting. I found this live version of 'Country Feedback' from R.E.M.'s "Out of Time" album and it is absolutely incredible. This song is me. Maybe all the words don't apply to me. Sometimes some of them do. But the feeling of it, the mood, is very much me. I'm introverted and at times moody and brooding. When I heard this song (over and over again on that summer trip) it struck a deep chord with me- and it is still the song I often turn to when I want to reflect- when I've had a bad day and I feel like I need to get away- retreat into the cave of my mind.
And it was fitting. Driving on the open road... out in the Country... quietly distilling what the vast openness of America and experience and God and love and life meant to me... and receiving that Feedback.

When I listen to it now, I'm more tuned in to the guitar- it 'speaks' just as clear, if not more, than the lyrics. I'm generally drawn to European, particularly British, songwriters and guitarists. I feel like they on the whole treat the chords and strings as a language, talking alongside the lyrics- instead of as a musical interlude and little riffs between the lyrics- which is my impression of much American rock/alternative music. Peter Buck is one of the few American guitarists who I feel doesn't do that- and shares my preference for the abstract language of the electric guitar. We'll revisit this thought when I introduce you to Suede in a couple more posts.

America

In the summer of '93 I had what I consider to be my experience of America. As mentioned in my previous post, I drove 'cross-country' (from So. Cal. to Oklahoma) with my girlfriend, Michelle, and her family. About 90% of the view on that trip resembled the landscape above. But the wide open expanse struck me. Without having any foreign experiences to compare this to, I still felt that this was a singularly American experience- I don't know how else to describe it. The wide open frontier, that amidst all the overpopulation of places like Southern California, still existed as largely wide and open. And it was accompanied by a soundtrack of a uniquely American band- R.E.M.
The following two songs, Nightswimming and Find the River from their album Automatic For the People, have a quality about them that I think would make you feel nostalgic even if you had nothing to feel nostalgic about. They brought me to a reflective place where I was free to roam in the empty landscape around me. And they helped define America for me- a definition that I cannot express in words, but is a feeling that I get when a I look at pictures like the one above, and listen to the songs below.


Nightswimming


Find the River

Summer '93

The summer of 1993 was a summer of trips: I took, like, a two week long trip with my girlfriend, Michelle, and her family to visit their relatives in Oklahoma (but I also got to see some of my relatives who lived there, too) which was followed up by a week-long trip with my family to some of the beautiful landscapes and parks of northern Arizona and southern Utah. My music-loving friend Jeff loaned me several cassette tapes for the trip as I had very little music of my own and because he didn't need them since he had just gotten a CD player for his car. Included in the mix were the likes of Erasure, Depeche Mode, New Order, Morrissey, and of particular note for this blog- R.E.M.

Just the previous year 'Automatic for the People' had been released, once again showing my impeccable timing in discovering a musical group- but I'll save that for the next blog because for this trip I also had to catch up on some of their older material- beginning with 'Document.' They rose to considerable fame with this album due to 'The One I Love' and 'It's the End of the World as We Know It"- and those are fine songs- but nothing grabbed be so much as the opening track "Finest Worksong." I seem to have a slight predilection for going against the grain so it is often the case that I latch onto songs that maybe aren't the most popular or the hit singles from an album- so perhaps I'm subconsciously reinforcing this when I'm choosing this song over the other, more popular tracks. It's good to be aware when you are supporting a mental construct- it may be helpful when you need to dump that construct in the face of a new reality.



Going back in time further to 'Green' I'm following the same course of action by choosing "Hairshirt" and "You are the Everything" over the more popular "Stand" "Orange Crush" but I think there is also the concept of the 'song choosing me.' Can we really help what strikes us? I'm drawn to things that are a little 'off'- and these songs contain some awkward passages- but that sets the really harmonious elements into greater relief, and to me, that contrast, is a beautiful thing.





"Inside Out" just rocks.



The summer ended on a down note, though. After the trip with Michelle and her family, after four years of dating (yes- 4!) we broke up. Somewhat 'incidentally' though- at the beginning of the summer, during the Pepperdine Bible Lectures, I met this girl named Melinda Sibley. (She becomes a major player in the 'soundtrack'- but not until track 52 or so....)

Pepperdine, 1992-1993

I have the uncanny ability to listen to the same song/group/album over and over and over and over and over again (and again and again.) My freshman year at Pepperdine, I would wager about 90% of my music listening time was devoted to this album. It didn't help that the light in my dorm room made a little 'tink-tink-tink-tink' sound when it was turned on that was surprisingly similar to the sound that starts off this album. So I would walk into my room, turn on the light, and go, "Oooh, yeah... I wanna listen to that!"

This album also highlights a certain quirkiness in my timing. You see, I pretty much completely missed the 80's- I saw Star Wars in the late 70's and I was lost in a galaxy far, far away for a long time. Consequently I 'discovered' for myself artists of the 80's after their initial claims to fame, after everyone else discovered them. So I caught up with Depeche Mode not with their live tour of Music for the Masses that culminated in their '101' live album, but with their 1990 release 'Violator.' And though I remember hearing and seeing videos of R.E.M.'s 'Stand' of '88 and 'Losing My Religion' of 1990, it wasn't until 'Automatic For the People' came that I latched onto their bandwagon. Similarly, I had friends who ogled Bono in his 'Joshua Tree' days but it wasn't until 'Achtung Baby' came out in late 1991 that I seriously gave them a listening. I find it interesting, though, that the times I get into a group are often when the group or artist is changing, or is coming under a critical revision and so I find myself coming into things in the midst of change. And this phenomenon has extended beyond the realm of music, too. It fits my predilection to look behind things /people/events and look at their motives- for it is precisely these moments of change that cause people to rethink where they are coming from and where they are going to.

Most of the time on this 'soundtrack' you'll find that if I'm interested in an album I focus on three songs. And the three songs here really do speak of what was going on in my life, but at the same time, almost every song on this album speaks to me- I feel it is truly a work of art. The first song, 'Zoo Station' speaks of the change that is occurring- a change musically for U2, and a change in my life: of essentially moving out of my parents house into my own life. 'One' is just a great song, and along with 'So Cruel', just flows - one of those happy artistic moments when everything is aligned so that the words and the music just come together and so perfectly reflect what you're thinking and feeling at that time. The guitarist The Edge spoke of those songs as a couple of his favorite on this album for those reasons, and thematically they spoke to some of my doubts about my long time relationship with a girl named Michelle. Anxiety and doubt, properly expressed and reflected, can become beautiful moments. I hope you enjoy.

Zoo Station

One

So Cruel